When a married couple cannot agree on how to raise their children, it can lead to a lot of strife in their marriage. If you are in this boat right now and are constantly arguing about things relating to your children, you may want to consider seeking help from a marriage counselor. Marriage counseling can be useful for resolving any type of disagreement or problem you may have in your marriage, including the problems relating to the way you raise your children. Here are three things you should understand about the conflicts that married couples have over kids.
Why it is a common problem
One reason you may argue about the way you parent may be related to the way you were raised. For example, if you were raised in a really strict home, you may want to carry out those values with your own children. If your spouse was raised in a more relaxed environment, he or she may believe this is a better way to raise kids.
In addition, it's also common for one parent to overcompensate one way or another when the other parent is not handling situations the way the overcompensating parent wants them to be handled. Overcompensating in any way is not beneficial for your kids, though.
Why you should resolve this problem
No matter what problems you are experiencing relating to this issue, it is vital for you to reach common ground with each other. By doing so, your parenting efforts will be more successful, and your kids will have a better understanding of their boundaries and expectations.
Ways to resolve these problems
The best way to resolve parenting differences is to talk about them and reach mutual agreements. This will require give and take and compromise, but it will be worthwhile in the long run. Through marriage counseling, you may be able to accomplish this easier, because you will have a neutral party helping you create guidelines to use with your children. Here are some of the guidelines you may need to create to solve the arguments you have about the way you raise your kids:
- Chores – What chores will your children be responsible to do each day or week?
- Consequences – When your children break a rule or fail to complete the duties you expect from them, what consequences will they have?
- Extracurricular activities – Should your kids be allowed to take part in sports or other activities? Will you require that they take part in at least one activity all the time? Is there a limit to how many activities they can be involved in?
- Electronics – You may also want to discuss how much time your kids will be allowed to use electronics or watch TV.
These are just a few areas where you might have different ideas when it comes to parenting your kids, but you may have others too. Through marriage counseling, you can compromise and create your own set of rules and guidelines that you can both agree on, and this should end the arguments you experience about the way you raise your kids. To learn more, contact a marriage counselor in your area such as Diane Fitch LMFT LPC.